my take on relationships.

hah! thought you've never see a blog like this coming did you? yeah, neither did i, but last night's conversations kind of made me think. it all started out with facebook and texting i know. i was chatting away with my friend a bit ago and we were talking about getting a girl for one of my friends. we signed off and then he texts me "oh yeah, when are we going to find you a guy?" or something along those lines, i don't remember. this conversation took a spin and ended up on me. i don't think he's determined, but he thinks i've been single for way too long. then last night i was talking to both him and my friend about this. it was funny because we were all talking to eachother at the same time. too bad fb doesn't have chatrooms. anyway, it just got me thinking, why have i been single for so long?? i don't know why its been such an issue lately, well not really, but it has been brought to my attention by different friends as to why. at the beginning of summer i was told by another friend that there have been guys, that have liked me. i was just as shocked as anyone to hear this. curious, i was wondering who, but she wouldn't give names. all she said was "they were too afraid to ask me because they thought that i would reject them"...."ouch" to tell you the truth, that may or may not have happened. seeing as how i don't know who they are, it wouldn't matter, but still hearing that kind of made me think. am i really this difficult to even ask out anymore? probably. here are some reasons i think i have been this way.

reason #1: i'm shy...specifically speaking of course, i mean i can make a friend, easy, talking to guys on a whole other level than that of friendship, not so much.

reason #2: i have a little epiphany on the world of dating. epiphany: the only reason i have said no to dates with guys who have asked me is that they have been my friends. i've know them well, and i know that not more can come out of the relationship, so i tell them no straight from the bat. i know it sounds really mean and inconsiderate to them, but when you really think about it, i'm helping them cope in a way. i don't like when people lead a person on, and rather than going out with them once knowing that nothing else will come from it, i don't want to give them false hope so i would want to tell them no so they don't have to deal with anything after. it also sometimes takes a toll on the relationship [trust me, it hurt me just as much as it hurt him to lose a friend for a bit, but now we're great as ever]

reason #3: i see myself as more as the best friend/sister than a gf. heck, i probably wouldn't even know how to be a gf if it slapped me in the face.

reason #4: i have too high of standards, i can change them, but for now i just haven't met anyone that i've actually liked.

reason #5: my family. it doesn't matter how old i am, they seem to think guys can be put on the back burner for now. you should hear my mom "blah blah you don't need a guy right now blah blah focus on studies blah blah there'll be plenty of guys when you graduate blah blah" and don't get me started on my grandpa. yeah he's like the security guard of the house and he's scary so i don't think guys would ever come around. then there's my 6 uncles. yeah growing up, they were the people who watched me, they may be older now, but still tough as ever. i love them all and that's why sometimes i resist doing anything against their wishes, because in the end i come home to them every night.

reason #6: i've always been independent in situations of course. i know i have friends that i can always go to when i need someone to listen to and i guess i've just used them as my crutch. i guess i don't know the feeling of having a guy be there for me that's not a person i consider just a good friend.

reason #7: i'm too busy. no this is not one of those schemes to get out of dates, it's literally because i'm too busy. my schedule during school is mad crazy. i like being involved so that takes up a lot of my time. and now that i have a job it might be just as busy. i know you're thinking "you can make time, if you really like him" i know i can, but will it allow me to?

reason #8: i don't approach guys, they approach me. i always end up with a friend which is great. that's the most it has ever come to. like i said before, make a friend, easy, more than friends not so much. my friend was saying that i should talk to guys more...in a "i don't just wanna be friends" kind of way. haha i'm such a wuss when it comes to these things.

reason #9: i like being single, seeing as how i've never really compared anything else to it. its easier to not have someone to worry about. why do you think i go stag to events all the time? its not that i'm not asked, but i would rather go with a group of friends, guys included, then confine myself to one person. i don't see what's wrong with being single. i've liked it so far, except for when i'm the 3rd or 5th wheel, yeah then not so much.

reason #10: i think into things too much...i'll leave that up to you to comprehend.

so those were some of the reasons. you may think its stupid, you may think its the dumbest thing on earth, but it's me. well, for those of you who have read this, i hope it has enlightened you about my practices. i'm not desperate, nor will i ever be in this case. this wasn't a blog to say i resent the idea of ever having a significant other, it's just that i'm up to leaving it up to whatever happens happens. i'm not looking, ok i may check out guys like all the time, but i'm not going to go up to them and be like "hey! wanna go out?!"

this was just another random thought from the complex mind of stephanie lim.